GOODBYE ANXIETY

2010-2011 I spent a year as an Agoraphobic. That means I could not leave my house. The anxiety was too much. I just didn’t want to see anyone. I felt like a complete failure. All my psych training failed me when it came to dealing with the chronic pain and depression that sunk in when my neck surgery failed. I just wanted to ride dirt bikes, play with my kid, and help children in schools. But I couldn’t. Life was a black hole. I was transported by ambulance a couple times thinking I was having a heart attack. The medicine I was given took away my ability to function. I was scared, my breathing shallow and erratic. Mostly I was scared it would last forever and I would never leave my house, dying alone to be eaten by my cat. Finally, I did die. I was revived in hospital. That changed me. Life started to improve. I learned how to breathe and how to see my thoughts for what they were, beliefs I had been replaying in my head so long I had decided they were true. The breathing thing is a big deal. I continue to struggle with it. The other day I had a panic attack start in my grandchildren’s doctors office. Luckily, my nurse daughter saw it on my face and got me some help. The other nurses realized it was a face covering / restricted breathing issue and told us both to remove the masks and breathe. That was compassion. I was still embarrassed. I thought I had kicked the anxiety thing a few years ago. That moment stuck with me so I ran my Healy to “take my pulse”. This was the first time I had recent valid proof that the heart palpitations were pointing me to what I knew to be true. Anxiety and Depression often come with Chronic Pain. I’ve been a major meditator now for years and can usually stop it all before it starts, except for when I can’t. It’s no surprise this was my results this day. But it all went away with 12 minutes of vibrating the frequencies into my space.